Lost In His Eyes
by lpbowders
Summary: My first fanfic! AW focussed but some Kalinda-Alicia interaction. Not 100% sure where it's going BUT there will be smut! M rating for later chapters! Set somewhere in season 3 a while after Alicia has ended it with Will.
1. Chapter 1

It had been a bad day. A really bad day. The case was slipping away from her and she knew why. It wasn't the witness that Cary had somehow unearthed and that Kalinda had no good explanation for missing. It wasn't the fact that her client sucked on the witness stand and gained absolutely no sympathy from the jury. It wasn't even because her client was as guilty as sin. No, she sighed and looked down the hallway towards the dim light of the corner office, she knew exactly why she was losing this case.

Alicia rubbed her eyes and stretched her long legs under her desk. She needed to focus. She needed to scrub her mind clean, think only of the case and the last 2 days in court. She needed to find a shred of something to work with, something to hang her diminishing defence on. She flipped to the cover of her yellow legal pad and started reading her notes from the trial. Again.

Unaware of how much time had passed, she looked up from her notes when she found herself squinting in the low light. God she was tired and her eyes hurt but she had seen something. A note from halfway through day 1. How the fuck had she missed this? She dialled Kalinda but got voicemail. Irritated she hung up the phone, determined to go and locate her at the obvious place, the bar over the road. She knew she'd be there because that's where they always used to go. Before. When they were friends that did things like that.

Distracted by the excitement and hope for the case swelling in her belly, she grabbed her keys and spun out of her office.

She felt it before she saw it. Felt the burning of his eyes on her skin, felt her nerve endings tingle, felt his presence so close to her. She looked up and he was standing right in front of her, their faces almost touching. She must have been a nano second from walking straight into him. A million thoughts flashed through her mind but none stuck as the feeling of his presence started to fog her.

What was he doing outside her office? As the seconds ticked by, the fog cleared a little. She knew she should speak, knew she should make some little joke about nearly bumping into him but as she lifted her eyes to meet his, the words stuck in her throat. His eyes, good God his eyes. She could literally drown in them, she actually felt like she was. Her pulse quickened, her legs weakened. This was the problem, she had an actual physical reaction to him. Every single time she looked at him. How can a person do that to another person? She had never experienced it before him. Before that kiss in his office. Now every meeting made her heart race, her limbs weak, her breathing quicken. How was she supposed to keep burying it? Keep pretending? It was getting harder and harder.

"Alicia?". He spoke. It saved her from drowning. Brought her back to reality and she managed to form a smile. "Sorry Will, I wasn't looking. I found something. It could make the case for us, I need to find Kalinda." And she took off, looking back once to see an amused look on his face, his eyes lit up and she bit the inside of her mouth to take the focus away from his face.

She pressed the button for the elevator, she planned on walking over to the bar even though it was cold as hell tonight and starting to snow, it would be quicker than trying to park. As she waited for the doors to open she heard him call her name.

"Alicia, wait up." And there he was, standing next to her again. "Kalinda just called me, she's out of town investigating something for me, she says she'll call you when she's through".

"Damn it. I really need her on this Will, she's dropped the ball already and I need her focussed for me, we're losing this thing".

"I know and she is on it but something urgent came up and I needed her to go do something for me. It's a personal thing. She'll be back later tonight"

She took a breath and looked at him. Really looked at him. He seemed worried, she saw a few lines around his eyes that are new. She reaches out and touches his arm instinctively and a jolt of something unexplainable hits her. He felt it too and they stay like that for a long moment, just looking at each other.

"Do you fancy a beer?". Will broke the spell and all she could do was nod and follow him.


	2. Chapter 2

She knew she shouldn't be here with him. She shouldn't be sitting anywhere near him. She shouldn't be talking to him about Zack and Grace and she certainly shouldn't be staring at his lips and imagining them on her skin, making her shiver.

Will was not unaffected, she could tell that there was some effort on his part to remain 'normal', whatever the hell that was these days. Normal. A husband, 2 children, an apartment, a life. Normal. Loneliness, an emptiness that won't go, a constant desire to be somewhere else, with someone else. That was her normal these days. And she had created it for herself. She knew that. It was what she'd wanted, what she'd needed but it wasn't anymore. It was starting to crumble. And that is why she shouldn't be here with him.

"Why do you look so worried? You look kind of ill". The words were out of her mouth before she could really decide what to say. Will looked a bit taken aback and she realised that he had been in the middle of talking when she blurted out her question. "Sorry, I didn't mean to just hit you with it like that, it's just you're not yourself and I'm worried". Will took a long drink of his beer and his eyes were looking past her, towards the Chicago sky. He sighed and finally looked at her. "I didn't want to talk about it yet, not until I know for sure. One way or the other." She felt her heart plunge, this didn't sound good. "Will, what is it, please. Talk to me.". He took her hand and after a long moment spoke. "After we, well, you told me it had to finish, I was a mess. I know it didn't seem that way to you but I was. I went back to Baltimore for a long weekend. I needed to put some physical distance between us, you know?". She nodded slowly still not knowing where he was going with this. "I met up with an ex. Someone I fooled around with in High School". He looked up at her now, straight into her eyes. "before Georgetown". She let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. He meant before her. Before they'd met. "Things got out of control, I wasn't in a good place. Last week she called me and told me she's pregnant and that it is mine."

She blinked hard. A lump formed in her throat. A swirl of emotion hit her all at once and the overriding feeling was one of jealousy. It was an immediate reaction, she couldn't help it. She took her hand from his and ran her fingers through her hair.

"Alicia. Say something. Please."

"I'm sorry. I'm just shocked I guess. And you don't believe her? That's why you've sent Kalinda?" He nodded in response and put his head in his hands. She hated seeing him like this. Her hand reached out and touched his where it cradled his head. He didn't look up, he stayed that way and she just sat there, her hand on his for a long time. Eventually he spoke again. "I can't believe I've let myself get into this situation. I'm always careful, I never take risks. Fuck. I don't want to have a child right now, especially not with a psyco stranger I just fucked to try and get you out of my head". She took her hand away and stood up. This is not a Will she knows. He doesn't talk like this. He doesn't lose control like this. She feels the weight of her decision pushing down on her again. Not only has it ruined her life but his and some stupid woman too. The woman. The feelings of jealously hit her again. He fucked someone else. The weekend after she ended it. Why does that feel so gutting? She knew he's have other women. She's screwed Peter. What did she expect? The feelings of guilt, regret and jealousy overwhelm her and she knows she needs to get out. "Will, I'm not sure what to say. I'm so sorry this has happened but I can't be here. I can't be talking to you about this. Not right now". He looked up, his eyes full of hurt and worry but she couldn't stay. She walked out of his office and heard the cracking of glass as the beer bottle he was drinking from hit the wall.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

She ran to her office, tears forming in her opaque eyes. Blindly grabs her keys and handbag and rushes to the elevator. She needed to get the hell out of here. Her imagination was taunting her with images of Will fucking someone else. She'd managed to push those images from her mind when she had no confirmation of it, when it was just a possibility but now it was fact, he had told her, he had told her he may have got someone else pregnant, the images rush into her mind and make her sick. Sick to her stomach.

During the ride down to the carpark, she lets the tears flow. Why is this affecting her so much? Why can she feel the pain deep in her core? Why won't the image of Will's hands on a faceless body go? She shakes her head to try and shift the images and her tears drop randomly onto the floor of the elevator.

She presses the button on her key fob and unlocks the car. She is so caught up in her thoughts and tears that she doesn't hear him, doesn't feel his presence like she usually can, not until he is grabbing her arm from behind and twisting her round to face him.

She lets out a shriek, he has shocked her, frightened her. Then she looks at him, really looks at him and sees the tears on his face mirroring hers. She softens and stops thinking about her feelings for a second and feels his fear and confusion and hurt. She really feels it. They don't speak. They don't need words. They never have. They can say all they need to each other with a look, with their eyes expressing unfiltered thoughts and feelings in a way their words never seem to be able to. Then it happens. She takes his face in her hands and rubs a tear away with her thumb. He closes his eyes and holds his breath. She can't help it, she is compelled to kiss him. She softly brushes her full lips on his and she hears his breath escape. It urges her on and she kisses him again, this time pressing harder with her lips and feeling him respond to her immediately. The kiss turns passionate in a heartbeat, she parts her lips to let his tongue in and he takes full advantage and pushes into her mouth with force. Their tongues entwine and she feels the fire burning inside her. The fire engulfs her and takes over her every nerve ending and burns every thought in her brain, every word on her lips until all that's left of her is the feeling of his mouth on hers, the feeling of his body pressed to hers and she is wanton in his arms.

She reaches round and puts her hand on his ass, god it feels good under her hand. She pushes it towards her body and feels his cock hard against her stomach. His hand is already inside her jacket, kneading her breasts that are heaving under the pressure of his fingers, thumb brushing her hard nipples and making her gasp loudly in response. She needs more, she needs all of him and she needs to let him know. She takes his free hand and unceremoniously puts it up her skirt and onto the silk of her knickers, the material is already soaked through with her wetness for him and she needs him to feel it, understand what she wants, what her body is crying out for.

He pauses in his working of her nipple and pulls back slightly, just enough to look at her, to see her flushed face, her bruised and swollen lips, her heaving chest and in this moment she is transparent. She is laid bare for him to see. And he knows. He knows she loves him. It's never been clearer to him than in that moment and she sees her love reflected in his eyes and knows that he sees it all. And this time, for the first time, she doesn't care. She doesn't pull back. She doesn't let her reason dominate her emotion. She doesn't want to be cautious, she wants to be carefree. She doesn't want to be sensible, she wants to be senseless. She doesn't want to be The Good Wife, she wants to be Will's lover.


	4. Chapter 4

She loses all sense of time and space. It is like they are in a bubble, untouched by anything other than each other right here, right now. Still they don't speak. They haven't said a word since she left his office, they're just touching and feeling on instinct and it feels so damn good.

His hand is in her knickers, fingers tracing her soft folds and making her twitch with desire. She is soaking, she's vaguely aware of realising she has never been this wet and it turning her on more. His mouth is everywhere. On her mouth, on her chin, pulling and sucking at her throat. She can hear him moaning and it makes her moan too. The sound of their need for each other echoing around the empty car park. She moves her hand round to feel the hard length of his cock and he flinches at her touch. His hand moves away from her, brushing oh so briefly over her clit and making her cry out. He undoes his flies and she pulls down on his trousers and shorts to free his pulsing cock. She moves a finger over the tip and feels the stickiness of his fluid already present, she lifts her finger to her mouth and sucks it off, revelling in the salty taste of him on her tongue. His eyes darken with desire at the sight of her tasting his cum and he hitches her skirt up and dips his head, running his tongue up her inner thigh and using his teeth to convey how much he wants this, wants her. She finally speaks "Will. Please. Please fuck me. Now" He doesn't answer her in words, he just moves his tongue over her clit, slowly, deliberately. The stroke of his tongue send shockwaves of pleasure rocketing through her and she moves her fingers to his head and pushes it down trying to get his tongue to make more contact with her, desperate for some release already.

He does as she wants and moves his tongue faster, presses harder down onto her and she can feel her body react and the last thread of reality breaking. She can only throw her head back and give into the feelings flooding her body. As he pushes a finger into her wetness, she feels herself shatter into a million pieces. Her mouth moves to form his name but no sound comes out, it is a silent "Will" that she breathes as her orgasm takes hold and it is so strong and so overwhelming that she can actually see stars. She inhales sharply, becoming aware that she needs some oxygen and he looks up at her. His face is red, his hair messed up from her fingers pulling and scratching at it. His mouth wet from her juices and his eyes black with sex. She manages to form a thought. That he is the most beautiful man she has ever known. That she loves him. She has no time to dwell on her thoughts, no time to desensitize from her roaring orgasm because he is kissing her again and she can feel his rock hard cock pressing against her soaking wetness. She wants to feel him inside her, she wants to give him his release as he has given her hers so she takes his hand and leads him to the front of her car. She sees him look at her for a long moment and has a feeling of him drinking her in, almost as if he is trying to sear into his memory, this image of her leaning back on the bonnet of her car, her skirt hitched up around her waist, her silk knickers pushed to the side and her small, pale breasts revealed by the unzipping of her jacket. Suddenly he pushes her hard and she feels the cold hard metal of her car under her bare ass and legs as she lays spread on the bonnet, ready for his cock. He kisses her once more, not hard but not soft either, a kiss that he seems to pour all of his emotion into as he moves slowly inside her warm wet folds and pushes until he has filled her up. She feels him pull away from her mouth and opens her eyes to see him with his head back and his eyes closed, his mouth open as he pushes in and out of her, feeling her muscles contract around him and saying her name over and over. Her name on his lips as he fucks her slow and deep takes her breath away again and she wraps her legs around his waist to bring even more of him inside her and his cock starts to hit her sensitive spot. She groans loudly and he moves his hand to her mouth and holds it there, palm down, to dampen them. She struggles slightly against his hand gagging her and sees that this turns him on more as he quickens his pace and moves his other hand to tug on her hard nipple on her left breast. She gasps and wants to shout out but is still muffled by his hand. Her hand covers his on her breast and he releases his hand from her mouth and leans down to kiss her. She feels his tongue in her mouth as her orgasm builds and his strokes get harder and faster as he approaches his climax. Her body finally gives in and she cums hard, she can feel his cock harden even more inside her as her muscles close around it and he breaks away from their kiss to look into her eyes as her orgasm reaches its crescendo before taking him along with it and he pumps into her, shouting her name as he releases all he has into her.

She feels the weight of his body on hers as he collapses onto her. She tries to make sense of what she is feeling as she lays there, tries to give it a name but she fails. All she knows is that she feels complete. She has no desire to be anywhere else. She has no thoughts of anyone else. She is happy.


	5. Chapter 5

A door slamming brings her out of her reverie. She's suddenly aware of the cold metal of the bonnet and of the weight of Will's body covering hers. She's suddenly aware that she is cold, very cold now that the heat of their sex is over. Oh God, they are in the car park, flesh exposed! She finds her voice and speaks. "Will, we need to get up. Will, someone just got in their car". Will quickly sprung up and she instantly regretted making him move. Their physical connection was broken and she didn't like it. She got herself to a standing position and began to readjust her clothes, as she raised her head from pulling her skirt down, she saw him watching her, an amused look on his face. She couldn't help but blush and in response, he reached out and touched her cheek to reassure her. Her cheek burned under his touch and she felt the familiar feeling of warmth spreading through her stomach and down. She tore her eyes away from his and finished tidying herself up as best she could. Without looking back up at him she started to speak, her voice quiet. "I'm so sorry I reacted that way, I just couldn't bear the thought of you with someone else, of having a child with someone else. It was selfish I know and I'm sorry". She looked up as she said the last sorry and saw his tears. She went to him immediately and held him. "Please come back to my apartment Alicia". She tensed and must have felt it as he quickly added "Kalinda is meeting me there to talk through what she's found and I could really use your support. I want you with me." She relaxed into his arms and kissed his ear before whispering "I'll come, of course I'll come".

She wasn't sure she should be driving. Her hands were shaking and her mind was racing. Concentrating on the road was impossible. She couldn't fix on one single thought. Her mind was full of flashes of thoughts, Will telling her he might have got someone pregnant, Will's lips on her skin, Will crying, Will's fingers pinching her nipples, Will angry & throwing his beer bottle, Will's cock pushing inside her. So much had happened in the last hour but none of this was why she was shaking. She was shaking because she had finally admitted it to herself, finally stopped pretending, finally knew she loved him. And she was shaking because she knew that this time she wasn't going to run away, this time she was going to make it stick.

She didn't go straight up to his apartment, she needed some time to think, to compose herself. She sat in her car and fiddled with her bra, pulling it back into position. She checked her face in the mirror and sighed. It was streaky with mascara from her tears, her lipstick was all but gone and she noticed a small red circle forming where Will had left his mark on her neck. She reached up and touched it and felt a stab of electricity through her body. She smiled at the feeling, it felt good to embrace it rather than try and drown it. After fixing her face, she took a slow walk to the elevator and took a deep breath as she pushed the button for Will's floor.

He opened the door before she had even knocked on it, he looked at her cautiously, not knowing what she was thinking, what she was feeling. He was expecting her to tell him it was a mistake, it was bad timing, the usual and he turned round to walk into the lounge and was about to speak when he felt her arms around his waist and her mouth near his ear, whispering words he never thought he'd hear her say. "I love you Will Gardener. I love you. I love you. I love you." He was halfway turned around, ready to take her face in his hands and kiss her when he heard heels clicking on the wooden floor and looked up to see a stony faced Kalinda, hands on her hips, taking in the scene.


	6. Chapter 6

Alicia felt eyes burning into the back of her head and knew it must be Kalinda. She turned and nodded her greeting. Things were still tense and though they communicated well enough in a work environment, this wasn't work, this was Will's apartment and she knew Kalinda would not have been expecting to see her there. Yep, this was awkward. Will spoke and broke the silence that had descended. "K, Alicia is here". Kalinda raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Yes Will, I can see that". Will's face relaxed into a smile as his friend went and sat down on the sofa and Alicia couldn't help breaking into a smile herself at seeing his. The creases around his eyes and mouth making her want to reach out and touch them. God, how had she denied herself this for so long? Why had she? It was hard for her to not just grab his tight ass as he stood there but she needed to keep a lid on her lust because they weren't here for that right now. They were here to discuss what Kalinda had found out. Suddenly the thoughts of Will and his tight ass disappeared and she felt the heavy weight of his anticipation. They sat on the sofa opposite Kalinda and she reached down to squeeze his hand to show her support. She didn't need to look at Kalinda to know she was raising her eyebrow again and she blushed a little but kept her hand in his.

"Come on K, I can't stand the tension, just let me have it". As Will spoke the words, Alicia found herself holding her breath. "I haven't got a definitive on whether she is actually pregnant yet, I couldn't get anyone from the clinic to talk but I'm working on that". Alicia exhaled loudly and Will turned to her. She knew she shouldn't be behaving like this in front of Kalinda but she couldn't help it. She felt compelled to touch him in that moment, he looked so vulnerable, his usual confidence and strength deserting him and she put both her arms around his neck and pulled him to her until their foreheads were touching. Kalinda had stopped talking, nothing much shocked her these days but the sight of Will and Alicia holding each other and looking at each other like that was mind blowing. She was nothing if not perceptive and she felt the fizz of electricity in the air between them and knew that this was more than sex, more than old flames wondering what might have been. She briefly wondered how long this had been going on again as she cleared her throat and Will slowly turned back to her. The look on his face betraying his turmoil. She continued "I did find another guy. The chairman of 1st Mariner Bank. He's rich, has family money behind him and he paid her $50,000 to have an abortion when she told him she was pregnant with his child." Will got up and paced the living room floor, Alicia and Kalinda exchanged a look and Alicia decided to speak. "So you're thinking this is a con of some sort? That she finds a rich man, gets pregnant or maybe not? Then blackmails him for money passed off as needed for an abortion? That's….".

"Fucking disgusting" Will finished her sentence for her. "You're serious Kalinda? You think this could be a set up? How could I be so stupid?". Kalinda stood and went to where he was standing, looked him straight in the eye and spoke almost in a whisper "Chicago's 16th Most Eligible Bachelor? I think it's very likely that she set you up Will."

Alicia stayed sitting on the sofa trying to take it all in. This could be good news, this woman may not be carrying Will's baby, please God let her be lying. She suddenly realised that she had always thought that if he ever had a child, ever made that step into parenthood, that it would be with her. The realisation floored her. How could she have buried all these feelings? How could she have buried all these desires? How could she have ever thought that it would all go away? That she could go home every night to someone else, eat with someone else, sleep with someone else? It all seemed so obvious now, sitting here in his apartment, watching him talk to Kalinda. She had one true love, one best friend, one soul mate. It was Will, it had always been Will. She jumped out of her seat on the sofa and walked to where Will and Kalinda were standing. "We need a plan Will and this time we need to make it work".


	7. Chapter 7

A/N – next couple of chapters are dedicated to Alicia's feelings and actions.

Thanks for the reviews, keep em coming :D

And I don't own the good wife…

As much as she wanted to stay with him, she knew she needed to get home. Zach and Grace would be wondering where she was and her Blackberry had been on silent for hours, God knows how many calls she'd missed. She had been hanging on, waiting for Kalinda to leave and finally she had got up, put her note pad back in her jacket pocket and left with only a small smile flashed to Alicia as she passed her. Alicia had sighed, she missed her friend but still couldn't bring herself to smile back and it hurt.

She felt Will's hand on hers and looked up at him. He looked a little lighter. It seemed like there was a good chance this woman wasn't actually pregnant and in fact, the possibility that he may be the intended victim of a con, was a positive thing. It meant his life might not be turned upside down, that he might be able to build on this sudden change of situation with Alicia.

Their plan was good. He would call this woman's bluff. Pretend that he was happy about the pregnancy. Pretend that it was everything he had ever wanted. Talk about supporting her emotionally during the pregnancy and then once the paternity test confirmed he was the father, they would work out the way forward. Together. They hoped that once faced with this, she would give up the hope of extorting money from him for an abortion and make up some story to end it all. Of course, this did all assume that she is lying and is not actually pregnant. That's where Kalinda comes in, she is tasked with getting this information and is heading back to Baltimore in the morning. For now though, he just wanted to hold Alicia, feel the warmth of her body next to his, kiss her full lips, get lost in her emerald green eyes but as he started to kiss her, he felt her hesitation and he pulled back. She could see the fright in his eyes, he thought she was changing her mind again, he thought she was going to run away again. "Will, I want to stay so much but the kids. I, I need to go home. I'm sorry." She saw his face soften and she lent in to kiss him softly. "Will. I want you. I want to be with you. Tonight, everything that has happened has made me see clearly. I won't run anymore. I promise." She closed her eyes as he kissed her again. She felt relief flooding through her. It felt so good to finally say the truth out loud. His kiss was slow, his hands on her face. She felt the love in it and let herself drown in it again. As their kiss ended, she opened her eyes and smiled at him. Her smile was so captivating, it was one of the many things he loved about her and so many moments during his day, the image of her smiling at him would appear in his mind. He didn't want to let her leave but he knew he had to and supporting her need for time with her children was always something he had willingly done.

As the elevator took her down to the lobby and back into the real world, his phone rang. "Hey K, what's up?" "Do you want to talk to me about what I saw tonight Will or do I need to get to unseeing it all?" He chuckled wearily. "I don't know right now. Let's just agree that you saw something and when I know what it is that you saw, I will come and talk to you about it. Ok?" He heard her inhale and then "OK, you got it. I'll call you when I find something, good luck with the call." He started to respond but heard the click of her hanging up and smiled to himself at her directness. It never failed to both amuse and impress him every time. He stared down at his phone and started typing, not really sure what he was going to say but needing to say something before this day ended and he tried to get some sleep.

Alicia's phone vibrated in her handbag. She fished it out as she waited for the elevator to take her up to her floor. 6 missed calls. Damn. 3 from home, 1 from work and 2 from Peter. The difficulty of the situation overtook her senses once again and she felt overwhelmed by it all. It was this feeling that always won out. The pull of her children and the years of marriage to a man who still professed to love her. She tabbed to her messages and felt her pulse quicken as she saw Will's name. She opened it as the elevator doors closed. "Thank you for tonight. I'm sorry this is happening. I never got the chance to say it back tonight. I love you too, I've loved you ever since Georgetown and I won't ever stop. Please be mine." She smiled as she typed back "I am yours. I will show you that every day xx."


	8. Chapter 8

A/N – this is quite long and quite fluffy. Just seems to be how my muse is taking me right now…. And I don't own the good wife…

As she turned the key in the door, she braced herself. She hadn't planned to tell Zach and Grace tonight but she felt that if she didn't, she may find the strength to do it was gone tomorrow and she didn't want to give herself any time to make excuses or to find reasons why not to again so she was going to do it tonight, now. And then she would tell Peter.

She put her bag down on the counter and poured herself a large glass of red wine. Taking a long gulp, she steadied herself and then called out to them. "Zach, Grace, can you come into the kitchen please?". Grace ran out of her room. "Mom, where have you been? I've called you like 4 times, I was worried. It's late." Alicia smiled despite her nerves, times like these it struck her how grown up they'd got and how lately the roles had flipped and she was the one being admonished for coming home late and not calling. Zach joined them but didn't speak. He knew to just let Grace have her rant at times like these. "I'm sorry. Something came up and my phone was on silent, I only just saw all the calls and I didn't realise how late it had got." Grace spoke again, a little less angry now. "Well, we wondered where you were and Dad called for you too." Alicia flinched slightly at this mention of Peter and took another gulp of wine. "I need to talk to you both. I need you to let me speak, let me finish what I need to say before you react. Can you do that?" They both nodded and she felt her love for them both so strongly in that moment that she had to grip the side of the counter to help her compose herself. "I know you think that Dad and I are working on things and that things seem better between us lately but I can't take him back." Grace went to speak and Alicia held her hand up to halt her. "There are many reasons why. I do love him and he will always be important to me because he's your Father but I'm not in love with him anymore and I'm not being fair or true to myself to pretend otherwise. I'm so sorry, I tried so hard so you didn't have to feel this hurt but I can't do it anymore." The tears were streaming down her face and she felt a hand in hers. Zach. She looked up and saw their tears too and sobbed "I'm sorry. I love you both so much." She put her arms around the two of them and they stood for a long time like that. Hugging and crying.

They didn't talk any more, Alicia tucked them into bed and then sat on the sofa feeling totally exhausted. She stared at her Blackberry. She knew she should call Peter but she just couldn't face it now, after everything that had happened tonight. She couldn't believe how everything had changed in the last 5 hours. Her life was now on a completely different course than it was when she left the apartment that morning. Her heart felt heavy knowing the pain she was causing her children and yet she felt a lightness in herself that she hadn't felt since the early days of her first affair with Will. Her thoughts flicked back to this woman and her pregnancy claims and she felt a stab of anger but she couldn't face thinking about that anymore tonight. She heaved herself up from the sofa, turning out the lights and promising herself that she would make the time to talk to Peter tomorrow.

Her phone ringing woke her with a start. She grabbed at it, knocking over her bedside lamp and cursed. Then she saw the caller ID and smiled as she answered. "Hello Mr Gardner." She could hear the smile in his voice too "Well good morning. I just wanted to call and check you were ok after everything last night." She lay back on her pillow and sighed into the phone. "It was a strange night wasn't it? Wonderful and stressful all at the same time but I am fine. Are you?" There was a pause and she felt panicked, suddenly worried that he might take back everything they said last night. "Will?" "Yes baby. I'm ok. I just need this pregnancy situation to go away so we can start anew. It would just be nice if we could have no complications, no third party involvement in our love this time around. Wishful thinking I guess." Alicia thought for a second, she hadn't planned on telling him that she'd spoken to the kids last night yet but it might make him feel better and all she wanted right now was to make him happy. "Well, one major obstacle is out of our way baby. I told Zach and Grace that I don't love Peter anymore and can't take him back. I will tell him the same later today." Silence descended. Neither spoke. Alicia became aware that she was holding her breath as she waited for his response. Finally it came "Wow. I guess I have wanted and waited so long for this that now it's happened, I don't know what to say!" Her voice was small and barely above a whisper when she spoke "Say you're glad I've told them. Say it's what you want. Say you love me." "I love you. God Alicia, I love you so much. You're everything to me. Never doubt that." She felt her heart fill at his words and she once again wondered how she could have ever not wanted to hear him say those words and about how much time she had wasted. "So I guess I will speak to Peter and you will speak to the woman and afterwards we will get very drunk and have lots of sex?" Will's laughter filled her ears and she rejoiced in the sound. "Sounds like a plan baby. I always told you we'd make one eventually".


End file.
